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  • Regressing to the mean

    Posted on November 16th, 2009 Cibo 2 comments

    Well, after an exciting fun filled fresher’s week, it goes without saying, things should go back to normal, which means my luck is back to crap and then some. If anyone was a fan of Married with Children growing up, you might have heard of the Bundy Curse. The Bundy Curse was like a rubber band. Whatever good luck Al received, he would have to pay it back with an equal amount of bad luck. I try not to be so cynical but my history is without reproach. However, unlike Al, I don’t have a dead end job. But really, being a student again isn’t much better.broke ass

    Come on Cibo, smile. It’s not that bad.

    At any rate, continuing on from Fresher’s week, I had managed to survive till my apartment’s Saturday move-in, barely. I must thank my two week friend for getting me from Monday to Saturday. I will dock him a few points though for not having any pillows so I spent the first night sleeping on my laptop case. This led to all sorts of awesome neck pain and early morning feel-like-shitence. Yet, it did spur an immediate purchase of pillows from the local Sainsbury, which is like a shittier Ralphs.

    Upon making it to Saturday, I had my Romanian friend who was crazy enough to drive his car all the way from Romania help me move. It didn’t take too long to get shit moved-in. We finished up pretty quickly and went to join up with the rest of the Euro troop. After going through the normal rounds of drinking and stupid shit, I got back to the flat and remembered I didn’t have any blankets, which is great since it was like 35-40 degrees at the time. So as to not freeze my nuts off, I slept in my high fashion blanket made up of my clothes piled layer-upon-layer on top of me. It was shit, complete fucking shit. I woke up the next morning feeling like I was dying of AIDS or shit you get from touching poor people…wait….nevermind.

    When Monday came around, I was pretty stoked for the first day of school. You will have to excuse my exuberance for school since I did jack shit all year, therefore school is something to look forward to. But alas, it was not meant to be. I woke up to the sound of my cell’s alarm since I’m too fucking lazy to set up a real alarm clock, at a good 40 minutes later than I planned because it is a piece of shit; leaving me with 25 minutes to get to class. In London, that is pretty tough. Yet, being someone who is used to dealing and expecting this kind of shit, I was mother fucking ready. I got dressed, slapped some water on my face, fabrezed the shit out of my armpits and ran like an illegal immigrant for the boarder. I ran the 2/3’s mile it takes to get to the station in like 6 minutes or so. Got to the station ran down the stairs and got on first train. CHECKPOINT ONE CLEAR! TIME LEFT 19 MINUTES.

    I used the time on the first train to rest up because at the change-over there was going to be dash up like 6-8 flights of stairs. Train stopped at the station, and I sprinted the fuck up the stairs. I was fucking dying by the end since I didn’t warm up at all and my ankles suck from years of Thai boxing. Despite making headway on time, I was gut-punched by my, as of then unknown future rival, the goddamn CIRCLE LINE: THE DESTORYER OF PUNCTUALITY. The fucker broke down and was delayed for 18 minutes. At the time, this was new concept to me, but now I’m used to the near 50% fail rate, which the Line is famous for amongst the local residents. Regardless, I took the District Line and went the alternative way to campus. TIME LEFT 13 MINUTES.

    sakura_gut punch CIRCLE SPLEEN BUSTA!!!!!

    On the District train, I was continuously checking the time since I only needed like 3-4 minutes to get through underground walkway to campus. It’s pretty straight so I know I can get some speed. The train arrives with 3 minutes to spare; I ran balls out and scared the shit out of some Brits with my bobbing and weaving through the crowd. My running is like playing F-Zero or any racing game where you have slow fuckers in your way and you spend most of the time dodging retards blocking you.

    As I’m feeling like crap at this point because I hadn’t run like this for awhile, I made it to the B-school with only 1 minute late. Perfectly fine since you just can’t be late for more than 10 minutes. I walked through the front entrance no problem since some dude let me in with him. Ok, now let’s figure out which room the marketing is in.

    *Looks through bag*

    “…..Shit…”.

    I left the schedule back at the apartment. Whatever, that’s OK, I’ll just run to every room and check to see which is the right one. As long as I got the key card I’m cool….

    “……..”

    “FUCK!”

    I asked the first person I saw with a key card if they knew the schedule for my program being well aware it’s fairly unlikely. Retard staff member takes me to where program administrator would be if he wasn’t absent probably because she didn’t understand me and my Cali accent. She starts talking about something stupid and I’m like, “This isn’t helping” and bolt to the computer room while she’s still in mid-sentence. Pressed for time, I kept typing in the password wrong because UK keyboards have € where the @ should be. Then, to spit in my face one last time before I gave up, the computer locked on me since I failed too many times. Thereafter, I said “Fuck it” and went home since I was like 15 minutes late by then.

    Next day, was pretty much a repeat of the first day. Got up late again, bolted down to the station barely on pace to make it. But once more, I was anally deflowered by the CIRCLE of SODOMY LINE breaking down again. So in the end I was an hour late. Yet, this time I stunk in during break. My group at that point was thinking I was total slacker even though I hadn’t missed two days in my whole undergrad. Fact is, the circle line fucks me on a normal basis. Today my stop had a local power outage so I had to go out of the train station and take a bus. It took me like an hour to get back when it’s usually like 15 ride minutes from that location. But, I’m used to it nowadays.

     

    circle line

    Oh hey, the train’s on time today.

    Side note: there is the local custom of the Circle Line pub crawl. You’re supposed to drink something at every stop. There’s like 28 stops so there’s all shorts of awesome here. Assuming the line doesn’t break down.

    About my group.

    The school was kind of enough to take some of our exorbitant tuition to administer the Myers-Brigs test. It’s kind of tea leave-ish but it’s not bad at accessing people within a limited scope. Basically, the test said I’m an INTP, which is a big picture thinker who’s unstructured, spontaneous, and lazy. Something I already knew. The rest of my group was either ESTJ or ISTJ. Meaning, they’re a bunch of overly motivated people who don’t know why they’re doing anything, but feel they need to have a fucking meeting to talk about nothing since they can’t understand anything I’m saying, nor are they following the class material. Also they can’t handle chaos and need structure to do the most basic things. In short, they are my exact psychological opposites. Furthermore, if there was ever a time Coach Wooden’s quote, “Activity doesn’t equal achievement” applied, it’s right fucking now.

    Monday

    One dude in particular, made me punch the wall since he was so goddamn annoying about getting work done. We had the marketing project assigned the first day and he’s like:

    Hyper dude: “We need to finish this NOW! We’re have to keep on schedule!”.

    Me: “Ok, I’ve done this shit before, it’s simple. Talk about the brand, what’s it done, what’s wrong with it and what we can do to fix it.”

    HD: “You sure?”

    Me: “Uhhh yeah, I did this before.”

    HD: “What does the book say?”

    Me: “It’s going to say the same thing.”

    HD: “Have you read it?”

    Me:“No, because I did like half a year of marketing and I have done marketing plans before.”

    HD: “You sure that’s the structure?”

    Me: “How else would you do it? It’s pretty damn simple, prognosis, diagnosis. It’s a straight forward essay”

    HD: “Pardon?”

    Me: “Look, we’re doing a marketing plan to make something better. We can’t make something better if we don’t talk about what’s wrong.”

    HD: “You sure?”

    Me: “Yes, I’m goddamn sure.”

    HD: “Well I’m going to do some research and have a meeting”

    Me: “Fuck ok, w/e”

    Tuesday

    Next day, he brings in lots of print-outs basically saying the same thing with different terms.

    Me: “Yeah, see, they’re all saying the same thing.”

    HD: “Well, what’s the difference from a brand audit, current status of the brand and brand assessment”

    Me: “It’s all pretty much the same thing. It’s talking about how is the brand right now.”

    HD: “You sure?”

    Me: “Fuck yes, I’m sure”

    HD: “Ok…., I’m going to get some more research”

    Me: “Why? I just told you what you needed to know and so did the internet sites.”

    HD: “WE NEED STRUCTURE!! We need structure so we can delegate.”

    Me: “You know that you don’t have a universal perfect structure for social sciences right?” (He’s a computer Sci guy)

    HD: “I’m going to find a structure!”

    *The rest of the group just gives me blank stares since they’re thinking along the same line as him.

    Wednesday

    So we have the meeting and we decide on BMW.

    HD: “Alright let’s delegate.”

    Me: “For the brand audit, we’re going to have to do this part together before we can delegate”

    HD: “WHY?”
    Me: “’Cause we don’t know the problems of the brand so we can’t recommend a solution.”

    HD: “WHY NOT?”

    Me: “Look, how can you heal a patient when you haven’t even checked him? You can’t recommend him to a surgeon if you haven’t even checked his pulse?”

    HD: “Come again?”

    HD: “Well let’s have a meeting tomorrow”

    ME: “Why? We’re not going to have anything done by then. This part takes at least a week, to a week and a half to finish.”

    HD : “No can do. We need to be done tomorrow so we can stay on schedule. Have to have more deadlines and meetings.”

    Me: “Uhh… we can’t discuss anything in the meetings till we have research about the brand. Else, we’re just wasting time.”

    *HD draws pictures on his tablet PC.

    HD: “Huh? Sorry, wasn’t listening. I’ll talk to you later tonight.”

    Me: “sigh”

    THAT FUCKING NIGHT

    We get the other 2 assignments. ADHD dude writes an email to everyone saying:

    “WE ARE NOW OFFICALLY BEHIND SCHEDULE. WE NEED MORE DEADLINES AND MEETINGS!!”.

     

    wall punch *WHAM!!!*

    I fucking punched the wall right here.

    I called him up.

    Me: “How can we physically be behind schedule when we JUST FUCKING GOT IT?”

    HD: “We need to catch up to everyone else.”

    Me: “NO, HOW CAN IT EVEN BE POSSIBLE TO BE BEHIND SCHEDULE WHEN IT WAS JUST FUCKING ASSIGNED?”

    HD: “We’ll talk about in the meeting tomorrow”

    Me: “No, meeting. I’ll see you on Monday.”

    HD: “But,…” *CLICK*

    *BAM BAM*

    On Monday, I showed him the Myers-Brigs hand-out that came with our testing exams since it would give some legitimacy to my arguments. I told him that what I’m doing wasn’t that bad, I’m doing this because of that, blah blah. Eventually, he got the point and calmed down. I also figured out the best use for him. Since he’s hyper and I’m not, I got him to do all the shit work while I’d do the thinking. In fact, that’s pretty much what I use most of the team for; though some of them can do more thinking than the others, and the digital media girl kicks ass at video production. Overall, the group and I, because that’s really where the conflict is, have worked out an entente (understanding).

    Despite most of the group being good at something, there is one girl who really doesn’t know what the fuck she’s doing. She’s only here because she doesn’t want to work and her parents are paying the tuition. (This is in contrast to mine who bought themselves two fucking cars this year and told me to fuck off and get student loans.)

    Anyway, she’s coming into the program straight from undergrad and is just kind of meh… Not surprisingly, even though she’s putting out shit work that I had to completely rewrite, she gets pissed at me for not getting my work done within the week of it being assigned. This notwithstanding the fact that the due date is a month off. Being the kind gent I am, I told her that her work was shit and knock the bitching off. Needless to say, she’s still kind of pissed at me. Also the bullet point thing damn near killed her. But w/e, she’s Asian and she totally knuckles under my personality.

    Though these events are not the only things making my life a hoot, there’s the library. I’ve never had good experiences with libraries. I was thrown out a couple times for not shutting the fuck up or wrestling with my friend when I was like 5 or 6. At 19, I came back to the library for the first time since I was like 5-6 and I got fined $50 for some shitty kid’s book that I never returned. I’m like “Wow, I’m impressed with your record keeping. Dr Seus would totally give you props.” At my undergrad, I rented a book on reserve, lost it, and took like a month to find it before I returned it, hitting the max fine of like $75.

    But back on point, this dude at the main library took his shit job too damn seriously. He kept giving me shit since I didn’t bring my ID card and would just walk through the exit setting off the alarms. Too my credit, they weren’t that loud and no one else gave a shit. I compromised by bringing my card more often. However, the story doesn’t end there.

    One of my group members left his card in the library and asked me to go get it for him. I walked through the stalls RIGHT NEXT TO THE LIBRARY TARDFUCKER and gave my team member his card. I’m like “Fuck, I don’t have my card. Oh well” So, I walked right behind my group mate so I could go through with him. The minimum wage waste notices, puts down his cell phone, from which he was giggling like a school girl a minute ago talking about stupid shit, to make a big deal about me not having an ID card.

    “Dude, I just gave his card back to him. Why are you doing this? You should know who I am at this point?”

    “Sir, sir you can’t go in”

    “Come on, why are you doing this? Can’t you just let me go in? I JUST came from the library.”

    “No, I didn’t see you, come back and we’ll…”

    “Oh fuck this!” (Btw, I do cuss at people like this in real life)

    I walked through the exit, set off the alarms, and the dude threatens to call security on me. He gets up from his seat to run after me. At this point, I turn around and I go “What?” and shoot him a look that intimidates the hell out of him. He pussies out and helps me get a temporary ID card.

    Now, this fag didn’t just piss me off on a normal basis, he apparently pissed enough people off to get fired. Soo yeah… sweet. That’s at least something going my way.

    However, finally, putting the universe back in order, I’ve had the great joy of being friend zoned by all the girls in my Euro clique. I also have the added benefit of listening to them talk about their first bras and what type of tampons they used. They also crapped out on the trip to Scotland and I missed a Halloween party with my program, that everyone says was badass, to instead hear girl talk at a Euro trash bar.

    Thus, if Cibo is getting shat on, all is right in the world.

    On the other hand, on a slight, slight, up note, Bear and I have been almost like school girls with each other in class. It’s sickening. I told Scritty about the googley eyes and how we’re kind of shy around each other even though we both bitch around our groups. He was disgusted, and frankly, so am I. It’s so gay. Sooo gay. I wonder if she’ll buy me flowers. I like Sunflowers!

     

    Sunflower

    I’m cautiously optimistic with Bear.

    ~Cibo

    PS: Never let the science geek write the report.

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