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  • Wow, if I knew fleeing my country was going to be so much fun, I would have punched a cop before I left.

    Posted on October 28th, 2009 Cibo 5 comments

    Finally, with a break in the action and after finally getting my business team to calm the fuck down about projects that are less work than writing a blog post, I am updating my blog. Well, I’m also writing because I watched my Haruhi videos and London pretty much shuts down at 12 AM except for the clubs; though have fun getting home with the night buses since the subway is closed. Took me an hour just to get a bus on Saturday.



    First off, Fresher’s week was so goddamn awesome. Europe, unlike in the US, promotes drinking. You can go anywhere and there’s a pub, bar or some random stand/dude selling alcohol. My school alone has a couple pubs on campus. It even has its own micro brew ale, though it sucks. In fact, when I was shopping for towels so I wouldn’t have to dry myself off by trying to corral whatever water I could using my hands wiping downward, I found a Champaign and muffin bar.

    Anyway, the school has had several orientations and organized events fresher’s to basically just talk and drink. Unlike Americans who immediately down the six-pack and start acting like tards, you could actually hold events with alcohol and not have frat guys fucking things up. This doesn’t mean they don’t act like retards outside of official events. But they at least know enough to wait till after the official stuff is over before they start being retarded idiots who drink so much they barf everywhere, which they do.

    I started off with just moi before the first orientation. The event was for freshmen so I just starting talking to anyone that looked like a grad student. I ended up with a couple people and then the 3 of us went to a pub. Next day, after the second orientation I added 9 more to the CIBO Faction. By Monday I had like 15-16 people in my group. One dude even went out of his way to let me crash at his place for a couple days since my apartment move-in date was a week away (BTW, I notified the college accommodation board about the fag land owner since he didn’t reply to my email. I’ll get to the UK one later). However, normal friend attrition withered the group down. My network of friends has kind of stabilized around 2 groups with about 6 each. I hardly confess to being good with social interactions. But sometimes I can be really, really aggressive when I want to get shit done. I didn’t want to be some loser who spends another year a whole year by myself feeling like shit.


    Yeah, who the fuck plays video games in a dimly lit room because you can’t stand the sight of daylight.

    Continuing on, I met a lot of different people. In my group there is another person who went to my college and knows the same RA as me. The percentage chances of this are so phenomenally low. I wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for the anomalous amount of bad shit, which seems to be normal in my life, happening. She’s Sri Lankan but lived in Japan for like 10 years so she spoke really good Japanese. She’s also an LA fangirl. She’s so into LA, she could be like those girls who talk about Inuyasha all the time. Oh and she fucking uses “hella” all the goddamn time. She’s pretty decent overall, baring the annoyances. It’s also nice to know someone who understands the LA prospective.

    Another girl in the Cibo group is a Danish girl who is like the iconic TV geek girl. Nerdy but good looking with box-frame glasses, likes math, and is so blasé talking about sex. She has a Swedish accent too since she went there for high school. So when she’s stuff like “Oh, yeah some girls love getting fucked in the ass. Me… eh, not so much, but I hear some girls like it”. It’s pretty epic. She also seems to have this misconception that I’m an amazing person. I found that rather amusing to say the least.


    She’s blonde though.


    However, I think my favorite person I met thus far has to be the girl my new Euro friends and I have named “Bear”. Bear is my program and she is a Russian chick that comes from Serbia. She is fucking hot, smart, nice, and can kick your ass. Basically, she is the girl that Hollywood pretends exists everywhere but is in reality nonexistent; or at best limited to one of the most barren places in the world. She told me that by law the government requires that they carry bear rifles. First off, bear guns are like already pretty big to begin with since they use .300 magnum rounds. And to fucking kill a bear means you have hit it in the head, lungs or heart dead on.


    I can’t believe there’s something more powerful than a bear.


    She was giving me eye contact throughout most of the week. Being the smooth guy that I am, I walked up to her at the B-school welcome reception and said:

    “Hey, how’s it going? Where are you from?”


    “Sooo… have you killed any bears?”

    (That was like first thing that popped into my fucking had since I had to fucking know. That and I’m retarded)

    “Fuck yeah, they’re everywhere in Serbia”

    “I have to carry a rifle all the time to shoot those fuckers.”

    “Wow…, you’re too awesome”

    At this point I felt socially awkward and I was “OK later”. She then fucking death griped my arm and pulled me down to talk with her. I can’t tell if she’s into me or not. But either way, she awesome….so very awesome…….

    (Apparently, it’s a common trait amongst Eastern European chicks to use the death grip. I was death griped yesterday by another Eastern European chick after I swiped some food from the lunch reception that was for Harvard Business School professors; who are pretentious dicks btw).

    While Fresher’s Week was awesome with the partying every night and drinking, I started getting really burnt towards the end of the week. By Friday, I was damn near passed out at the business school welcome reception. Besides the fact it was amazing since they had good beer and wine, fancy waitresses going around serving hors d’oeuvres, and a fucking string quartet in the corner, I had two groups of friends wanting me to go out for drinks after the reception drinks. Feeling like shit, I ducked out and headed back to one of my newly added to facebook friend’s apartment. I checked my cell phone when I got there since my phone battery had died earlier in the day. I so knew I was going to get a shit load of messages when I turned it on. I was right. I called up one of my friends and out I went again. Felt like shit again the next day. Took me like a week to get back to normal health after Fresher’s.

    Despite the partying, I think the best parts of the fresher’s week were the in class stuff. They weren’t real classes so you just fucked around as the school brought in lecturers and showed off their expensive equipment. Additionally, I don’t know what the fuck was wrong with me in class that week but I was fucking energized and my level of dipshitness was way beyond my normal. Like I traditionally throw up jokes and sarcastic comments but I was too awesome for even me.

    A couple dudes from British Petroleum came by to administrate an oil trading simulation the company came up with.

    “Today you will trade OOOUH”





    “OHHHH….. I couldn’t understand what you were saying with your bad accent”

    Everyone in class looks at me like WHAT THE FUCK DID THIS AHOLE JUST SAY?

    *mumbles “You’re the one with the accent…”

    “Yes, I’m well aware of the irony hence I said it”.

    But yeah, the trading game was pretty fun. The dudes didn’t explain the game well so my team got fined for a shitton of money and lost. I had asked them about that issue too. To my credit, another team composed of other smart dudes did the same thing.

    Also because it’s cool to be from America, in particular from LA, I had all sorts of people constantly asking me about it. Now, I could tell the truth and say that I hate the place but come on, would I really do that? So, I talked about how amazing the place is and how common it is to hang out with the stars.

    “What’s your favorite show?”


    “Oh yeah I saw that dude at an after party by the NBC studio”


    One girl from Italy completely bought into this shit. She barely spoke English but she wanted to learn how to speak like me to become more “awesome”. I gladly complied with her request.

    “Ok, say that’s sweet”


    “That’s lameeee”


    “That is so, badass”

    “SO BADASS!!”

    For the rest of the week she went around school talking like me. I even got her to do the old ass “L” shape on her forehead thing and the cross finger snap. It was so lulzable. I think someone told her how dumb she looked because she hasn’t talked with me since. But, man was it worth it.

    At end the week, my business school used the Harvard Business School Everest business simulation for an ice breaker. My team pwn’d it. We tied for first place with 96% of total points. It really wasn’t too hard. If you’ve played like any sort of RPG over the years, you’d do well. But apparently, most people fail. Of course, if anyone has ever played World of Warcraft, you’d know how hard it is for people to do elementary things like getting out of the rain of fire or fucking clicking a cube.

    This meant most groups had a dude die or just didn’t make it to the top. I could go into more details about the game but I don’t want to spoil all the surprises. I will say it was pretty fun and you may want to get a group together to try the demo. You can at least rofl when your team mate dies from not having enough oxygen.

    I’ll write about my Al Bundy-ish return to my normal existence soon. If people are actually reading this shit, comment ‘cause otherwise I’m my not going to put in the time when I have so much other shit to do.

    Other notes:

    • I got matlab for free and spass for 10 pounds from the student IT store.
    • I’ve managed to almost be hit by every moving vehicle possible including bikes and carriages.
    • The legal lawsuit bubble that is so effective in LA, does dick here.

    And finally, I’m fucking going to Scotland for Halloween.


    I can’t believe I went from a shitty French movie to like a Friends’ episode.



    5 responses to “Wow, if I knew fleeing my country was going to be so much fun, I would have punched a cop before I left.”

    1. This blog caught my eye on some feed and with a name like this one I just had to check it out. And fuck am I glad I did. I was looking over some of your posts and their fucking hilarious! You better keep up the good work now that you know there’s someone keeping up with this blog. Or at least someone whose willing to exert the EXTREME amount of effort required to comment.

    2. Alright, thanks bro. I appreciate it. If you can tell me what you would like fixed with the commenting, I’ll try implement that.

    3. Ha, sorry if I wasn’t clear but I was just being sarcastic about the commenting. Just trying to call out those who are reading but don’t want to take the two seconds of their lives it would take to leave a comment.

    4. Ok, that’s cool. I thought I might have turned on the really annoying comment settings again.

    5. Sounds like a blast, I miss living in Europe. I’ll have to make a trip out there after I get shot at for a few more months.

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