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  • 80’s, wtf?

    Posted on July 5th, 2009 Cibo 3 comments

    After last week, I finally got my hearing back and my head is now reasonable sound. With the remaining time leading up to Anime Expo, instead of watching anime as one would normally assume, I choose a different route. With summer anime being woefully lacking, I decided to go retro. I’ve been searching youtube for old school toons like a high school jock looking for where it all went wrong as he bags my groceries.

    quads

    If you haven’t seen Bubblegum Crisis, do it NOW.

    I’ll get to the Anime Expo in another post since I want to finish this one up before starting another topic, even though I usually just slap two or three topics into one post.

    Anyway, I started my search for old school shows with the decade that probably had some of best from my perspective, the 90’s.

    Animaniacs

    Still revenant, even the riots, woot Go Lakers fans.

    Pinky And the Brain

    Even now, I can sing this by rote.

    Tiny Toons

    Ditto

    Xmen

    I spent pretty much the whole week watching old school Xmen. I didn’t even know they made a 5th season. Makes sense I wouldn’t know since at that point I had stopped getting up in the morning. And, I wouldn’t start getting up in the morning again till………. never. Maybe I’m painting this is with a little bit of nostalgia but that was a really good series. They even had racial discrimination in a kids show. Man, that is classic.

    Then, there’s the other stuff like Darkwing Duck, Goof Troop, Rescue Rangers, etc. Makes me remember how much TV I used to watch before I became a TV snob and only watched anime and “good” TV shows.

    Next, I started to look around for some of the 80’s stuff. Man, shit in the 80’s is like whoa….

    There’s the cool stuff like:

    I thought the movies were inspired by the cartoon when I was kid.

    Epic guitar rifts. I don’t even know what the show is about but I’m sold.

    Fucking impossible to find the original opening sequence for whatever reason.

     

    Which contrasts with:

    ROFL????!?!!?!?!?!?!? So are his friends riding in his ass crack?

    Overlooking the crappy music and concept, the animation quality is surprisingly high.

    Sad part is, I watched that one as a kid.

    I thought about how this phenomenon wasn’t limited to just cartoons, but pretty much the whole culture at the time. It was one of those decades that people look back go, “Man, we must of been on some good shit.”

    The culture at the time was all about the capitalism and the Cold War. You had the “corporatism running wild” ideology on one side. Giving inspiration to corporate greed movies like Wallstreet, the delightfully dystopian cyber punk films like blade runner, and even to anime like Bubble Gum crisis.

    Then, on the other side, you had the fervent anti-communism from the government along with a lot of pissed off people against them. Tensions would manifested itself in movies that created situations to just show jingoism (Rocky 4). Or in other media, particularly punk music, which would go out of their way just to spit on the government. And yet, most of this decade’s culture MUST be forgotten for we as a people to move forward. Don’t look back my son, it’s a gruesome sight.

    80's attack

    “Leave the noobs behind!”

    The 80’s by far had the highest ratio of shit movies to good ones. No decade can come close to this. Even the so called “good movies” of the decade, really haven’t aged well. ET feels dated.  Risky Business seems old now too. Footloose, yeah that was shitty. Granted, I only saw the tractor scene in my nuclear arms class, (yes, this is no lie), but it still looks like shit.

    Then, there were the bad movies that were so bad they were more vividly remembered than the “good” movies of that decade. Goonies was awesomely bad.  Bloodsport or any Van Dam movie (“Not Ducks, DUX!”) would of course get a pass to Fail Finals. Finally, the Karate Kid, which inspired many retarded kids to believe they could fucking beat the shit out of Mike Tyson after washing their parent’s car is timeless. This plus many more which all seem to break out into a montage.

    1980-1989 NEVER FORGET BECAUSE YOU CAN’T.

    I don’t know what it was about the time but the people in the movies all acted like ultra serious, no matter how ridiculous the plot. But then in the serious plot movies, they would fucking bust out a juke box and start rapping. If not rap, then the fucking PowaR Ballads. That decade’s cinematography is irreproducible.

    Why so serious modern movies?

    There are timeless movies that have survived the 80’s, mostly because they don’t feel like 80’s movies. This includes: Back to the Future, Ghostbusters, Star Wars, and Indiana Jones. A few movies were actually great because they were made in the 80’s, for example Robocop. My bud and I were debating if it’s even possible to remake some of the 80’s movies today just because the time period was so different. Yeah, I know there’s going to be a remake of Robocop but it’s not going to be the same. The mix of srs bizness with squealing hog robots falling down stairs is something that won’t cross paths often.

    Skip to 1:33 to see the robot fall.

    Other stuff that was stupid as fuck was the clothes. I think by general consensus this was the worst decade for clothes. This was the era when women thought the only way to be equal to mean was to dress like them. So you had POWAR SUITS and shoulder pads wore by women. Along with men’s clothes better suited for walking around West Hollywood.

    AnnieHall_powaRow, row, fight the POWAR!

     

    Sylvester_Stallone_(1983) Hey, don’t forget about me snooky pants.

     

    Shoulder pads

      Apparently, this shit is making a comeback too, which is surreal.

     

    Miami Vice

    Miami_Vice-tv-figures-lBy Florida time(current date minus 20 years), you might be able to catch tail end of the 80’s there.

     

    Seizure color palettes

    PinkTunic63134

    Seriously, were they fucking color blind?

     

    and wtf? 388px-Simon_Le_Bon_in_1987

    Man, there wasn’t even big gay Al around yet to say “I’m Super! Thanks for asking”

     

    Most of the music sucked too with all the synth drum shit. But, there was also a lot of punk music since the punkers who were pissed off at Thatcher and Reagan, so, that kind of evens things out.

    Yeah, I’m not even getting into TV during the 80’s. There’s too many shitty programs to the point I don’t even know where to begin.

    Overall, a painful period of history we wish to forget. Maybe I’m too young to remember all of the 80’s but there is still a lot I want to forget. As bad as it was, I’m not surprised people are trying to uncreatively revive it (AKA steal) as a way to be “cool and different” since the drive to be part of a new trend is rather powerful for those lacking any sort of frontal cortex.

    That said, in consolation, the following things shall be saved from the purging of the decade from all known archives:

    • The 10 or so really good movies
    • The 10 or so awesomely bad movies
    • Punk and cyberpunk
    • Ghostbusters, Voltron, Transformers and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

    That is all.

    Thank you while we ravage your decade.

     

    I always think of a sheep when he does that.

    I bet some little shit will write about the 90’s this way someday. Thus completing the cycle.

    Mahalo

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    3 responses to “80’s, wtf?”

    1. I do apologise for the aggressiveness of my second post. Feel free to delete/edit it. I never like to see my posts deleted however.

      I understand it’s not really a big deal, and I have actually read through it now. It’s not a bad post, to be fair. It’s just that more that a couple of spelling mistakes tends to make me less inclined to read on. Probably more of a failing in myself, but a fact nonetheless.

      P.S. MS Word’s spell check isn’t actually that bad, it just has no understanding of context. And it’s grammar checker is terrible.

    2. Whatever, all’s good. You can hold me to a higher standard.

    3. What I read here in these comments, (can’t believe I read them)is Doubter saying “I’m a tool” and the poster taking the time to reply.

      Nice post, amusing as I assume it was meant to be.

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