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  • Reminiscing time: Anime Expo 20XX

    Posted on June 18th, 2009 Cibo 1 comment

    On a slightly up-note, my programming instructor got 90% of my final exam answers and the dude was cool enough to grade based on that. So for the moment I won’t have to toss Scritty under the bus, FOR NOW…

    “Fuck you and your scooter Scritty”

    I’ve been going to Anime Expo for probably about 10 years now. Anime Expo time is probably my 2nd favorite time of year. The first being Thanksgiving where I’ve managed to cause many awkward moments hitting on girls at the annual friend’s of the family dinner. But that aside, Anime Expo holds a special place in my heart.  ‘Tis a happy time where the wacked out cosplayers with escapist delusions flutter and fat nerds who try to look cool, fail and burn asunder. It’s a time of the year where I am actually somewhat cool and sane by default. As I approach such a very merry time of year, I think back to some of my fondest memories.

    Be patient, good things come to those who wait for people to be deemed legally insane. (Btw, I crashed my browser on cosplay.com like 4 times when I was trying to steal repost this pic.)

    Helping my friend film a public access show.

    My friend at one point decided he was going to be a public access TV host. Like any good host, he needed dumbasses to interview. What better place to interview people who are both dumbasses and have some form of personality disorder?

    One thing people will tell you when conducting an interview, you got to be proactive. You can’t just be sitting around letting the Interviewee talk out her ass. As such, you got to ask the hard hitting questions. These usually were on the order of “What’s your name? What are you dressed up as?  Have you ever got off to your anime character? And oh, would you do anal?” Then the awkward pause……. the stare………  and finally the get-the-fuck-out-of-there walk slowly switching to into a fervid dash ……..”OK bye, we’ll let you know how it goes’”.

    Me actually somewhat  succeeding on hitting on a Cosplay chick

    Related to what happened above. One girl was kind of into that shit. I got her email and started messaging her. Too bad I still managed to fuck it up since I’m, well, me.

    Gundam boy!

    There are nerds, there are really big nerds, and then there’s GUNDAM BOY! Who’s unrivaled knowledge of the Gundam has lead some people (e.g. ME) to forgo using such lowly mortal names and instead choose to call him by his soul’s true name…NERDOSS!

    Yes, my chums and I were having a spirited debate about, if in fact, those cosplayers in our field of vision wearing cardboard Gundam armor could, in reality, repel bullets much like Gundam Wing (Jesus that’s a long time ago). Since us true-seekers individuals sought to gain such knowledge, we thought the only method deemed reasonable was to shoot them, repeatedly. Upon hearing the discourse of ignorance, which eviscerated the dimensional divide where his mind remains eternally vigilant, out bore the nerd cry of Gundam boy!

    *SNORT “GUUNNNDAMMS AREN’T MADE OF CARDBOARD THEY’RE MADE OF GUNDAYNIUMMMMM!!!!!”.

    I seriously shat bricks since I don’t think it was possible there could have been any more of a nerdy voice, timed as perfectly as it was. Fucker also popped up from behind me without me noticing too, and that’s pretty hard to do,  ‘cause I’m like a fucking ninja!

    WAAAA!

    (I actually spent a good amount of the day cutting my neighbors flowers in half with my Karate chop since I was bored shitless. Yes, I could use my powers for good but meh)

    Gundam Fail

    Sometimes, there’s things you plan, or at least try to influence, and then there’s shit that makes me feel like God is listening to what I’m saying  and is like “You’re right, that would be fucking awesome!”.

    So here we are sitting on the AX stairs, just outside the main entrance, gleefully comparing amongst ourselves the free shit we got along with the random stuff we bought, (My friend managed to clean house on VHS hentai since DVD’s were the big thing back then and no one wanted VHS anymore…… :( ). Periodically, we’d look up from our stocking stuffers of shit to see some random cosplayers passing by. One stuck out.

    You can tell that the dude had put a lot of work into his costume. He made an almost identical replica of a Gundam. It had armor coated with pristinely applied paint, made glossy with wax and crafted with such detail, one may even believe there wasn’t a gelatinous man whale inside. His helmet covered his face, adding to his ominous presence. He also made the tasteful choice of  wearing platform cardboard shoes.

    It’s like that but imagine a fat pasty white guy.

     

    Now, being the super duper person that I am, the person who has ROFL’d when a car ran into wall while I waited at a stop light, I said to my bud, “You know what would be awesome? If the mother fucker fell over and screamed like a little bitch.”

    Using up my only wish for my lifetime, God said “IT IS DONE!”

    *BAMM!*

    Falling face first on his Gundaynimum encrusted helm, he began to suffocate under the weight of his cardboard fashioned mass.

    “HELP MEEEEE!! HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! AHHHHH!!!(earburster pitch)

    “GET IT OFF!! GET IT OFFFFFF!!!!!!!  AHHH!!!!!!!

    “AHHH!!! AHH!!! TAKE MY HEAD OFFF!! TAKE MY HEAD OFFF!! AHHHHHH!!

    By the time his companions had removed the helmet housing his fleshy skull, he had rolled onto his back. Now, faced with the quandary that many turtles have met. He began to futilely wobble back and forth screaming:

    “OH MY GOD!!! HELP MEE!!! IM GOING TO DIE!!!!”

    “HELP ME!!!!!!”

    “ HELP MEEE!!! “HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!” (ears bleed)

    T’was totally AWESOME

    I Lul’d.

    My friends lul’d.

    And the dude, he cried tears of butthurt that will ring true to all who carefully listen to the wind as it whispers TAKE IT OFF!! TAKE IT OFF OH GOD TAKE IT OFF!!!! HELP MEE!!!!!!!”

     

    “I’m like so deep! If only daddy hadn’t left me…”

    Ahh, I look forward to the coming day.

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    One response to “Reminiscing time: Anime Expo 20XX”

    1. That’s fucking hilarious. I wish I could have been there to help him up.

      And by help him up, I mean “accidentally” shift his costume to make his neck bleed.

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