Fucking shit, I'll call you back
RSS icon Email icon Home icon
  • Who wouldn’t want a death star laser for xmas?

    Posted on May 31st, 2009 Cibo 1 comment

    Friday, my terminator turned governor showed off a nifty new toy paid for by the US tax payers. The new 192 laser system that makes all the other kids on the block wish they had a cool dad that would buy them a badass laser system. Of course all their dad’s are either stuck in dead in jobs, or if they had money, have long since divorced their moms for something hotter and younger.

    Sorry kiddos.



    The link to the story is here: http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20090530/ts_alt_afp/usitresearchmilitarylaser_20090530082418

    It’s you’re general, “greatest achievement of mankind” like piece. Don’t get me wrong, creating nuclear fusion on earth is a huge scientific achievement. However, it’s going to be a while before we see this innovation in any sort of feasible form. Because I figure most people will talk about invention’s potential to save humanity as a new green technology, I think it’s more constructive to speak of its potential for other uses. What are these alternative functions? The only thing that really matters in this transient existence, fucking around with people for the lulz.

    Einsteinsconstantlulzloop A man with vision


    Going huntin’

    In one of the most unfair and unbalanced sports man has thought up, where people who can’t even walk up a flight of stairs without being winded can almost always win, a hyper laser is a blessing. At the moment, the common practice of using a .50 calibur machine gun has its drawbacks. First, it still requires such annoying things like aiming or getting up from watching the TV in their RV. Also the taste of dead animal tends to be intermingled with flavor pockets of lead. With the new laser, simply position said 192 beam system on the periphery of a forest and flip the switch. You can have your woefully outmatched animal unleaded whilst being ready to be served. mmmmm…


    Can someone explain to me how this is even remotely fair?


    Remove San Bernardino and Riverside from California

    To those outside of this state, those 2 areas mean nothing. But, to citizens of California thoughts of meth labs, drug dealers and broke asses dance in ones head. And what better way to deal with the housing glut than by destroying the cities where most of the housing boom took place. Supply is now in equilibrium with demand and Jesus is happy, though apparently he can’t guard Kobe.

    San Failure

    MS paint can only go so far

    Inscribe lulz for future man

    Last time we went to the moon I wasn’t even a sperm yet. I say why doesn’t humanity leave one last mark on that big revolving rock THAT EVERY FUCKING SCI-FI MOVIE SAID WE’D BE LIVING ON by carving a memento on it for future generations to be pissed off about. Lord knows we already left them global warming.



    Just shooting randomly into space

    The universe is infinitely large and for the most part, going to be around a long time, projections vary due the influence of dark matter and energy on gravity. And, light has the ability to travel for a pretty fucking long time, most of the stars we see are imagines from billions of years ago and we don’t even know if they’re still around. Given that light travels for pretty much forever, and the universe is really fucking big, you are guaranteed to hit something at some point. So, I say what better way to fuck with a lifeform on the cusp of sentiency than giving them their first butthurt experience from some random planet that would have most likely already been burned up by its sun turning into a red giant.


    LULZ  transcend such petty things as time-space


    Inserted simply because it K-On!, and it justifies me using the K-On! tag.

    Oh and Go Lakers in the Finals


    One response to “Who wouldn’t want a death star laser for xmas?”

    1. Wow, a power station that requires refined fuel and takes 12 years to construct, that is hailed as “free energy”.

      HAVEN’T SEEN THAT BEFORE LULZ *cough*fission*cough*

    Leave a reply