It’s a dawn of a new (fail)age

With the spread of the cancer social media, people have an unprecedented to ability to annoy inform people with every minute detail of their life. I was thinking about what are the social ramifications of such conceptions. But then, LIKE LIGHTING, a news flash came. Sluts, craigslist, panties, oh my. http://abcnews.go.com/US/Story?id=7398011

That’s a 52 hit dead cow combo by the way.

Neglecting the fact I’m 2 weeks late on the story, (I got to work on that) This was an awesome news story. Dude, was getting his Web 2.0 on by using craigslist to kill hookers and collect their panties like Pokémon (I wonder which one was mud kips). He had stored his soiled loot in a hollowed out “Gray’s Anatomy” textbook, no the not the shitty show with the same name. Kind of eww since we’re talking about hookers and the rabies they carry, but I applaud the man for having a hobby.

It’s like collecting baseball cards… coated with AIDS

Taking this concept a step further, what would have the great criminals of the past been like with the interwebs?

 Columbine with twitter

DOOMade me do it

5             1,337  

   Following:      followers:  

Pew pew. We’re going to the gym

…ok, we’re going to the library

The quad.

Wtf? Why isn’t anyone here?

@MORE EVILZ Fucking a, our bombs didn’t go off.

@DOOMade me do it: You know we all subscribed to your twitter dumbass.

OMG, That’s such BS.

Jack the riper with a facebook account

Jack the awesome 

HAI GUYS LOOK I KILLED A SLUT LOLS I’M SO AWESOME

All me bro!

Jack the awesome

See, see, see, LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT MEE!! THAT’S A PIC OF ME KILLING A  SLUT. I DID IT AGAIN!!! SEE!!!! I’M SO AWESOME!!

Jack the awesome 

Omg, guess what, I got out of bed, put my pants on, and then killed a whore. I’m so awesome.

Jack the awesome 

Did I say I was awesome? Because I ate cereal with milk, which makes me more awesome.

Jack the awesome 

I HAVE THE FLU. IT SUCKS. I’M TOO AWEOMSE TO BE SICK  IT’S NOT AWESOME.

Jack the awesome:

Just to let you know guys, I’m still awesome….and I pushed a girl down a REEEALLY long flight of stairs.

We can also apply this heuristic to the great events of history with social media.

WW2

America

12        200,000,000

     Following:                   followers:

@J4pan Sup, check this out.

@America What’s up?

@America Dude, that wasn’t cool.

Cuban Missile Crisis

Face book

Khrushchev USSRulez Lolz Putting up Nukes in Kuba

Comments:

  Kuban kid: cool nukez.

Khrushchev USSRulez: I know right, aren’t they cool? Thank God no ever checks facebook for information that would be really, really bad if read by someone who wasn’t supposed to.

JF2Kool4Skool is Putting up a blockade to stop the Russians

Khrushchev USSRulez is Grumpy.

OMG how’d the US find about my nukes? Totally doesn’t make sense. I was so secretive. And dude, how did they get pics of me doing keg stands? IT’S A conspircy!

Closing thoughts:

I’m not going to hate on the social media too much, despite me constantly giving it shit. But let me say this, like many good ideas involving the masses, good ideas get kind of watered down to appeal to as many people as possible. The current social media dialogue usually ends up devolving into a bunch of shitty ramblings where narcissists spam messages and pics about how cool they are when everyone hates them in real life. But, maybe I’m biased….nah

And that’s my PSA of the day.

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