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  • Why I hate LA : Pretending to work in the entertainment industry

    Posted on May 7th, 2009 Cibo 4 comments

    I wanted to start my series on “Why I hate LA” earlier, but then the Swine flu hit, and well, it was low hanging fruit.

    So the true official start of the continued series that will be used whenever I want a quick post has begun.


    I can’t fucking wait to get to London

    OK, here’s the deal. In LA, everyone is a superstar! Or if you’re not, at least pretend to be! Because the percentage chance of actually becoming a star is so fucking low, people have to figure out ways of making themselves a BIG DEAL when they haven’t actually done anything, and by all objective measures, are failures.

    This shitty city gets people from all around the world who think because they’re marginally attractive that they come to LA and love them like their daddy never did. Most either end up waiting my table and/or sucking dick.

    Based on the figures from SAG, the number of actors/actresses who make ZERO fucking dollars a year is around 80%. While that figure is for actors, I’m sure the amount of failures for singers, writers and directors are about same. So, chances are, if someone says he’s in the industry, he’s most likely a liar, but who isn’t in LA?


    “What’s my motivation director?”

    “You’re a ninja turtle superman retard fat kid.”

    But don’t be alarmed, there are warning signs which let you know the person who you’re talking with is an undercover failure. Please be aware of such signs. A LA failure will always at some point bring up the fact he works in the industry in such a manner:

    Douche: So yeah, I work as an actor in the industry.

    Me: Oh that’s cool, so what have you done?

    Douche: I had some gigs in (insert jack shit part in something).

    Me: Ok, cool. What are you doing at the moment?

    – Now here’s the real signs that they are failures

    Douche: RIGHT NOW, I’m doing working on a side job/going to school.

    Me: Oh, where at?

    Douche: CURRENTLY, I work at a (vague statement trying not to allude to the fact he has a crappy job or goes to a crappy school).

    This would include “restaurant”, “college”, “fitness specialist/advisor/physical technician” or w/e. Don’t be fooled gents. He is trying to bullshit you into thinking he’s better than you.

    Don’t let him get a way with it!


    I think the Abercrombie gave him away.

    The “right now” and “currently” both communicate to the fact that everyone including himself knows he’s a failure. But, he’s trying to deflect the failure seeking missile saying that in the future, possible soon, we don’t know, just maybe, he will be a BIG DEAL. No one ever answers “currently”, “right now” or “in the mean time” when they’re doing something of worth.

    Me: So, what are you up to?

    Successful fellow: Nothing much, I’m CEO of a fortune 500 company, make a billion dollars a year, created the cure for cancer, fucked 15 bitches at one time, and I fucking saved a puppy

    Me: You seem rather busy.

    Successful fellow: Yes, I’ve had to multi task. I had to fuck the 15 bitches while I was conducting a concert piece and I saved the puppy when I busted out a 360 back flip to win a gold metal.

    Me: Can I be your friend?

    Successful fellow: No

    Me: Damn


    “I got bitches to fuck and puppies to save!”

    Of course, these LA Gods can’t always be working on movies or w/e. When they’re not, they spent their transient existence doing  “in the mean time” jobs, which fall into either:

    1) waiter

    2) personal trainer

    3) community college student

    4) (depending on looks) construction or low paid model

    These are all basically dead end jobs. Granted, there is some potential for a few people to actually go on to do something noteworthy. But, put this in context that are people who win the lottery even though the chances of winning are about the same as if you don’t play.

    My personal favorite are the community college students. Given that I went to a community college, I think I can say this with complete honesty, most of the people there are retards. There are a few people who make it out of there, and let me tell you, every student who survived the gauntlet of community college can beat the shit out of the normal college student. But, for the most part, your average community college student is a loser who will be there for over a decade. 12 bucks a unit encourages all sorts of dumbfucks to apply for “college”. The best part is that we have to pay for these fucking idiots to “discover themselves” while they come to class drunk, stoned, or not at all.


    Part-time actress, full time community college student

    So today’s Public Service announcement is to not only prevent those sneaky douche monkeys from fooling you, but to also properly prove to them they have absolutely no worth to humanity and should be shipped to Thailand to become transsexual sex slaves with butt plugs shoved up their asses. (I bet you just imagined that after i said it)

    And since I’ve developed a rather strong predilection for K-On!, Here are some more pics.



    I sometimes wonder how I can go from talking about complete human depravity to girls’ cartoons.

    Anyway, there you go team. More about why I hate my city some other day when I want a easy post.


    4 responses to “Why I hate LA : Pretending to work in the entertainment industry”


    2. Who needs superheroes when we have “Succesful fellow” hehe

    3. This is a most useful coitributnon to the debate

    4. We need a lot more inthigss like this!

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