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  • North Korea Missile Crisis storytime

    Posted on April 6th, 2009 Cibo 1 comment

    Well, since I feel like writing a lot today, I’ll talk about how North Korea shot another missile over Japan again this week. I usually avoid talking about politics, but because this topic deals with international security and nukes, which fits into my area of expertise, I feel it’s worth talking about.

    “I’m going to crack that mother fucker’s head like a coconut.”

    Imagine you have a dick uncle. He likes to throw bricks at kids. Everyone once in a while, he almost hits a kid. He probably won’t hit a kid straight on since he’s weak and a pussy but he scares the shit of the kid. Now, you want your uncle to quit being a douche and knock it off. But, you sure as fuck don’t want to have the retard living with you. So you’re stuck trying to find a way to take care of him even though you know he’s an idiot. That is pretty much China’s position.

    Japan being the kid who shit himself from almost being hit, cries to his parent, America. America is fucking pissed since no one fucks with her kid. She fucking bitches to China and tells him, “There’s no more fucking pudding pops for you if your uncle keeps this shit up”. America also calls the cops and China is like, “What throwing bricks? My uncle LuuuuVs KIDS! SEE!!”. America is all like, “Fine if you’re going to keep fucking with my kid, I’ll just shoot your uncle”. “Wha?”

    And, now you are up to speed.

    pudding pops are awesome

    Who the fuck doesn’t love pudding pops?

    The above paragraph mostly concerns the public stuff but there’s other issues at play. North Korea is pretty much as poor as poor can be. They would be the winners of the standard of living index’s biggest failures. They need food and energy. So every time they want better negotiation terms, they launch a missile over Japan to scare the shit out of them. Japan being a protectorate state of America’s extended deterrence network, means it’s America’s business when Japan gets fucked with.

    While I don’t think North Korea will ever hit Japan with a nuclear weapon as that would mean America will nuke the fuck out of North Korea, it’s still a pain that North Korea will always be looking to make a better deal for itself. When you make a deal with the North Koreas they: A) try to find a way to get out of the deal, or B) start looking for a way to renegotiate with better terms. As long as China will protect North Korea, there’s really not much that can be done. Especially since China has an interest in not having international forces on its border, or having a huge influx of refugees poor into China when the Chinese government still has issues maintaining control.

    So my prediction is that you’ll have a bunch of talks, China is like “Ok, my uncle is stupid but please don’t shoot him he’s really a nice uncle if you know him” and everyone is like “Awww… ok”. Then in another couple of years or so, as North Korea continues its nuclear weapons programs and continues to sell its hardware to other country’s, it’ll throw another brick at Japan and shit will start all over again.

    I luv nuclear weapons rawrr!


    One response to “North Korea Missile Crisis storytime”

    1. Good thing Korea doesnt have enough money to even build another Stage-3 ICBM. Those motherfuckas are broke as shit.